26
Jul

A new wedding ceremony

   Posted by: John   in Fun Stuff

Some of you know that my wife has a piece of paper that says she is an ordained minister and is able to perform wedding ceremonies in Idaho.  This came about when my son and daughter-in-law were here from Oregon and there was some question as to whether the person who we asked to perform the wedding could.  As a backup, she obtained the proper stuff to do the wedding.  As it turned out, she did not need to do it.  Since then she decided to use that new-found legal authority to perform weddings for other people.  To date, she has done a dozen or so.  Not a lot of money, doing it for donations.  She has done “secret” weddings, where the people did not want their families to know right away.  Small weddings, with a few people, and a couple of larger ones.  She makes them as religious or non-religious as the people would like, but has done more non-religious ones.

One of the more interesting weddings was done at the jail.  A guy who was in jail and a gal who wasn’t wanted to get married.  (I know, the idea of getting married at the jail during visiting hours and when you can’t touch each other or kiss at the end…kind of odd.  Much less as to why someone is marrying someone else who is locked up for who knows what.) 

Being the twisted sort that I am, I have been thinking about how a jail wedding ceremony would go.

Minister: “We are gathered together today in the sight of God and these closed circuit TV cameras to unite this pair in holy matrimony, an honorable estate, not to be entered into, um, unadvisedly.  Who gives this woman to be married to this prisoner?”

Prison Guard: “The warden and I do.”

Minister: “We will be pleased to listen to a song, a favorite of the prisoner, er, groom, ‘Unchained Melody.’”

Song commences

Minister: “As Tom is behind the glass, and you can’t hold hands, both of you place your hands on the glass across from each other.”

Bride: “Tom, I take you to be my husband, to have and to hold whenever you are released, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live.

Groom: “Amy, I take you to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others, except possibly for Bubba, from which there is apparently no escape, as long as we both shall live.

Minister:  “The ring is the symbol of the commitment that binds these two together.  We only have one ring, as Tom is not allowed jewelry in prison.  Amy, take your ring and place it on your own finger, saying ‘I give myself this ring because you are unable to reach through the glass to give it to me yourself.’”

Bride:  “I give myself this ring because you are unable to reach through the glass to give it to me yourself.”

Minister:  “ I now pronounce you felon and wife.  You may kiss the glass.”

Prison Guard: “Visiting time’s up…back to the cell!”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 26th, 2011 at 9:56 pm and is filed under Fun Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One comment

Mark
 1 

EPIC! That post was, well, almost like you were channeling ME! :-)

July 27th, 2011 at 12:06 am

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